Strawberry Milk

sometimes we have reactions.

i don’t know why my first instinct is always to grab my camera when i’m overcome by emotion or fear. 

i burst into tears this afternoon in a way that was unrecognizable, as if i was rejecting what i had just seen. i was in a way, and it didn’t feel good. all those feelings shoot up in a panicky wave.

it’s a rush, some amount of adrenaline, and it rises from the bottom of your stomach and tingles at your fingertips, and when it hits, you don’t know what to do. 

and then you react. you react and are overcome before you even know what’s happening to yourself, and all of sudden there are tears and a hiccup and your hands fly to your mouth in a gasp.

and you’re sitting alone, in a silent room while your body swims in feelings from two years before.

you’ve reacted then, but it still takes so long to calm down.